Leaving Jesus Off the Page
The challenge I never expected while writing a book about Heaven.
One of the page spreads in Jonner and the Stuffed Animal Mansion that brought the most internal struggle and led me into the deepest questions about Jesus wasn’t the mansion. It was the gates.
When I first wrote this scene, I knew I needed a way to make it clear to young readers that Jonner had arrived in Heaven. The mansion, stuffed animals, and adventures all happen there, and I wanted there to be no doubt for young readers.
Like many Christians, I immediately thought of the Pearly Gates. The image comes from Revelation 21:21, where we are told that the gates of Heaven are made from pearls. But as I quickly learned, it’s one thing to dream or imagine Heaven and another thing entirely to describe how to paint it.
My original notes to my illustrator, Mille, described giant gates reaching into the sky with whimsical carvings, animals, music, stars, and swirling details. I imagined warm light pouring through the gates and wrapping around Jonner as he stepped forward.
My original words I wrote for the page were simple and came easily.
“Jonner stood in front of the biggest gates he had ever seen.
Soft. Golden. Glowing.
Warm light poured through.
Not bright like a flashlight.
Soft like sunshine.
Jonner felt something inside his chest.
Warm.
Safe.
Loved.
Like he was being welcomed home.
He knew he had stepped into his Father’s House.
Jonner smiled and stepped forward.”
As the artwork evolved and the page took shape, I ended up changing those words. I’ll save the final version for when the book comes out, but looking back, it’s interesting how even a few lines of text continued to grow alongside the illustration.
Working with Mille on the artwork was a much deeper process than I expected. Even with a talented illustrator bringing the vision to life, translating something as mysterious and wonderful as the pearly gates of Heaven onto a page took a lot of thought, discussion, and revision.
I felt pressure not to leave out any detail that might make a child smile or wonder. On a deeper level, I didn’t want to disappoint my Lord and Savior, Jesus, and one day have to explain why He wasn’t on the page.
How do you explain the grandeur of a place that God says is beyond anything our eyes have seen, ears have heard, or minds have imagined? In 1 Corinthians 2:9, Paul writes: “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no human mind has conceived the things God has prepared for those who love Him.”
I kept coming back to that verse throughout this process of working on this book. None of us can conceive how wonderful it will be, so how can I describe what she should draw?
As sketches began coming together, I found myself wrestling with something I hadn’t anticipated. How do you paint entering Heaven for the first time when Jesus isn’t there waiting for you on the page? What was I doing? I felt like I was going to get this wrong, and I wanted so badly to get it right.
In a book filled entirely with stuffed animals, it never felt right to place a human figure on the page. My original instinct had been to leave Him out visually and let the story carry the meaning.
When I saw the sketches, it weighed on me that I was leaving the most amazing part of Heaven off the page. Because let’s be honest, the gates and the mansion aren’t the best part of Heaven. Jesus is. He is everything.
During this time, I shared the first sketch with my Bible study group. One friend suggested incorporating the Lion of Judah and the Lamb of God into the gate design. Another suggested crowns and doves. Suddenly everything clicked. The solution wasn’t to paint Jesus directly. The solution was to point toward Him: the Lion of Judah from Revelation 5:5, the Lamb of God from John 1:29, crowns and doves woven into the gates themselves. Strength and gentleness. Victory and sacrifice. Both pointing to the same Savior.
At almost the exact same time, Millie shared something with me that brought unexpected relief. She explained that she wasn’t comfortable illustrating people and didn’t feel ready to paint human figures. Instead of creating a problem, it gave me peace. I stopped letting that weight consume me and started looking for other ways to communicate who Heaven belongs to.
As the art progressed, I realized I still wasn’t done. The first painted version was beautiful, but I kept coming back to the same feeling. It needed more life, more light, more radiance, more of the joy, warmth, and wonder I imagine when I think about Heaven. I found myself sending notes to Millie that were difficult to explain. I wanted the scene to feel more luminous.
Looking back, I realize I was asking her to paint a feeling more than a place. I asked her to add flowers to the vines, more light pouring through the gates, richer colors, and touches of gold throughout the crowns and designs. Not because Heaven needs flowers or gold to be beautiful, but because I wanted the page to feel alive.
I want children to look at it and want to step through those gates with Jonner.
Looking back now, I realize this page changed me more than I expected. Over the past several months, I have spent time reading Scripture about Heaven, listening to sermons about Heaven, and thinking deeply about what the Bible actually says. The truth is that Scripture only gives us glimpses: pearly gates, streets of gold, crowns, light, love, a Father’s House, many rooms, many mansions.
It’s enough to stir our hearts, but not enough to satisfy all our curiosity, and maybe that’s intentional. No painting can fully capture Heaven. No words can fully capture Heaven. No children’s book can fully capture Heaven. It’s Heaven.
And when we finally arrive there, I know it won’t be the gates that take our breath away. It will be the overwhelming love of Jesus. His warmth. The joy and celebration. The feeling of finally being home.
For now, this little giraffe standing before the gates is the best glimpse I can offer.
The rest is beyond anything our eyes have seen, ears have heard, or minds have imagined.
We’ll discover it when we get there
.